Finding Heaven's Gate

It was a rainy morning with thunder roaring loudly, I could feel it inside my body and I trembled with fear.  The rain poured from the heavens as if someone had turned on a fountain.  Being afraid of the storm, I took my cat and cuddled with him under the blanket, holding him tightly.

Ibegan praying to God,asking that he make the weather clear and allow us to brave the storm.  I fell asleep and when I awoke the rain had departed.  A beautiful rainbow was in the sky.  The air felt fresh and cool; such a wonderful fragrance lingered.  Little did I know that the very next day would be the worst day of my life.

It started out to be a fair enough day; however, that was to change.  I recall sitting in my kitchen talking to my mom on the phone.  We were discussing my father.  He had been ill for a few weeks and he was only getting worst.  My mom told me they were going to take my father to the veterans hospital for treatment.  I waited until the afternoon when my husband go home and the two of us drove the two hour trip to the VA hospital.  When we arrived we found that my father had been admitted.

He was suffering with pain in his legs, his hands trembled fiercely, and he was losing weight rapidly.  He was 44 years old.  That night my father argued with mom telling her to go home, there was nothing she could do at the hospital.  We all left reluctantly.  The next morning we returned to find that my father had taken a turn for the worst.  They had to move him to ICU.  The doctor informed my mom that it looked like lung cancer.  My poor sweet mother was just in a daze, she did not know how to handle such news.  She had always depended on my father for everything, as we all did.  I did not realize, in my youth what cancer of this type meant or death for that matter.

My father was in excruciating pain, and I shall never forget how badly he wanted a glass of water, of which he was denied for medical reasons.  But my father being bull headed decided to let his ice chips melt and then he happily consumed his water.  Whether it was the drugs he had been given or perhaps som spiritukal; vision he described a wedding taking place, and this he saw.

My heart was broken unlike  its never been before or since.  I cried non-stop in private.  I remained strong for my mothers sake.  I felt as if m soul died.  I admired my father, ad love him.  He was the most unselfish person I ever met. He was a friend to everyone, the elderly and the children were drawn to him as if he were a magician performing awesome feats.

The very next day around the hour of 10:00 my father had a cardiac arrest and died.  The heavy burden that sweet precious man had to live with were no more.  He had been a veteran of the Vietnam war.  He spent countless hours trying to overcome the insanity he was witness to.  He carried a guilt within himself and I can't find the words to describe.  He had sprayed the jungles with a poison unknown to him.  He would never get over that and thats what took his life to.

My mother is now a widow and I am now faherless.  My mother moved from our house into an apartment and has been alone ever since.  I will never get over the death of my father, my heart hurts and I feel empty like a turtle without its shell.  People say it gets easier as time goes by but I don't believe them.  Every time it rains I think about my father, when it storms I know he's with me at least in spirit.  That helps me from being so afraid.

Speaking of my fathers spirit, I remember one time I had to be put in the hospital to have surgery, I was so terrified.  After my surgery I developed complications and had to have a blood transfusion.  My doctors were terribly concerned that I was losing blood, but they couldn't find where it was coming from.  I was so sick.  That night the nurse had taken my pulse and it was dangerously high.  I had four doctors treating me and not one of them could figure out what was going on.  All of a sudden I looked out of my second story window and like magic the window evaporated and black sky with tiny lights led into my room.  A figure of some sort came gliding into view and my heart was excited, there was no fear.  This figure was as a shadow and surrounding him was a glowing light. 

At that point I heard the voice of my father calling my name, "Lisa, Lisa, your going to be ok."  He positioned himself behind me above the head of my bed,  He laid his hand down on my shoulder.  "I want to go with you" I declared as I tried to pull myself up by the bed railings.  It was no use, I was to week.  I fell asleep and I awoke the next morning and I was feeling better, my blood count was normal, my pulse was better and everything.  I surely would have died if I hadn't been met by my father at heaven's gate.